It might seem like a crazy idea. However, there are a number of couples who continue to live together while getting divorced. For most, it is a matter of economics. It might also seem in the best interests of the children to keep the family intact.
Here’s something that might surprise you even more. It’s not just that some couples stay together while they are going through the actual divorce process. They also remain in the same household even after the divorce papers are signed. For them, cohabitation doesn’t have to equate to intimacy. Instead, some formerly married couples are living together as roommates.
Setting the Rules
You might decide that it’s inevitable that you live with your spouse during the pendency of your divorce. However, it really makes sense to set up some rules. If communication is not an issue, see what you can come up with on your own. Otherwise, you may want to consider discussing your situation with a marriage counselor or an experienced family law attorney.
Give Each Other Space
First and foremost, you need to give each other space. Presumably, one of you will move out of the master bedroom. If you are lucky to have a spare bedroom, one-half of the couple can move in there. Do your best not to displace children. They are already saddled with a cascade of emotions. The last thing your kids need is more confusion in their living situation.
Only you and your soon to be ex know how much space you need to give each other. One client was upset that his wife entered the kitchen when he was eating dinner with their children. (This was during the father’s court ordered parenting time.) Respect each other’s space and acknowledge that life as you knew it has changed.
Giving each other space may also consist of setting up guidelines regarding houseguests. Establish a rule and keep to it. Even when there are no children in the marriage, most divorcing couples would prefer not to meet their spouse’s lover on the way to the bathroom.
Divide Up the Bills
More than likely, you’ve elected to continue living together for financial reasons. Money problems may have even been a factor in your divorce. Presumably, you have both set up separate bank accounts. Make a list of the bills and determine how their payments will be divided between the two of you. If you can’t come to a satisfactory resolution on your own, discuss the issues with your attorney.
Keep in mind that the least expensive solution is usually the one that comes from the two of you. If necessary, your lawyer may have to file a motion with the court regarding payments while the divorce is pending.
Depending on the reasons for your divorce, there may be an inclination to exhibit some petty behavior. Try to refrain from doing things to purposefully annoy your spouse. For example, don’t be stingy about sharing the milk. Likewise, don’t use up the laundry detergent and neglect to replace it.
Household Chores
If you didn’t divvy up chores during your marriage, now might be a good time to start. This doesn’t mean that you need to pack up your spouse’s lunch or wash their clothes. Independence is a great thing when it comes to divorcing couples. However, devise a plan regarding upkeep of the common areas of the home.
Parenting Time
Custody and parenting time are a priority, even when a couple continues to live together. In a prior article, we explained that the court wants you to deal with this issue first. Work with your children’s other parent for the best possible arrangements.
Be respectful of your spouse’s time with your kids. Do not arbitrarily include yourself on outings. This is an adjustment period for all of you. Use the time your spouse is with the children to do something for yourself.
Contact Us
The decision to live together while getting divorced can be difficult. Not everyone is able to do so, but it sometimes appears to be the only alternative. At the Law Offices of Sam Stoia, we have worked with a number of clients in this situation. We would be happy to meet with you and offer you legal advice. Contact us to set up a meeting.